Semper Gumby

*Please excuse my vent*

The first time I heard a big burly Marine utter the words "Semper Gumby" I laughed (on the inside of course). How could I have known at the time the phrase was not meant to be the least bit funny or amusing? How could I have known that these words, these two silly little words, were words that I would have to learn to live by for the next 20 years?

Always flexible, that's what it means....... ALWAYS flexible.

When Mr. X came home on Friday night and told me that our PCS date had been moved up, yet again, the first thing that came to mind was "Semper Gumby". I told myself to just smile, give him a hug and let him know that it's ok, everything is ok, you can deal with it because you are SEMPER GUMBY.....you are the epitome of flexibility, you are a Marine Corps wife, situations like this are not only expected, they are embraced and dealt with gracefully.

It was not until around midnight that the severity of the information I had just received hit me. I have ONE month, ONE MONTH to move. Why...why....why could "they" not of told us this 2 months ago????? WHY? I thought of being SEMPER GUMBY, then I just thought about GUMBY and then I imagined that GUMBY was "they", and that GUMBY was forcing us to move sooner than expected for no good reason and it made me want to punch him in the face and run him over. I want to be rigid and inflexible! I hate you GUMBY! I hate you and your ugly green body, I hate your stupid little voice and your ability to transport yourself into storybooks! I want to wad you up into an ugly, gooey, green ball and throw you off the top of the Empire State building and watch you get stepped on after you plummet to the ground!

I wish I was able to say, without hesitation, that I am the perfect military wife...... that nothing ever phases me, that I am ALWAYS prepared for the worst/unexpected yet hoping for the best, and that I have a permanently genuine smile plastered on my face regardless of the situation......I can't say that, and I can't say that I will ever be able to. I know that I love my country, my family and my husband. I love the fact that I am an integral part of the support system that allows him to continue to honorably serve. I understand this lifestyle requires sacrifice on both our parts and yet....I find that, occasionally, I am filled with confusion and frustration. It used to be that I just "let it go" or so I thought I was letting it go. In reality I was just letting, whatever IT was fester in the deep, dark, dank places of my mind...places that are usually only occupied by my irrational fears and useless inventions. I am finished with festering, because festering leads to infection and the last thing I want infected is my mind because I have a hard enough time making sense as it is. I cannot express, even to myself, in words how therapeutic it is to release my thoughts in a manner such as this. I can be the flexible supportive wife, the jubilant loving mother, and the crazy confused woman who wants to run over Gumby........all without scaring my husband or children because I have released my thoughts, feelings, and tensions here...here in my own little corner of the blogosphere...... and you know what? I feel better!

~Semper Gumby~

Mrs. X