My sweet child

So...Sunday night my internet connection and my computer got together and conspired against me, making it nearly impossible for me to do ANYTHING computery or internety Monday and part of Tuesday. It literally took me 1/2 an hour to leave a single comment! I gave up after visiting ( I think 3 blogs) and decided to go blogless for a day. :( But now...I'M BACK ONLINE! Woo HOO! But only for a little bit...Mr. X's birthday is on Friday AND HE HAS 3 WHOLE DAYS OFF (IN A ROW!)....so......... we're headed up north to beautiful Bellingham, Washington to spend the weekend with some very good friends (the only people I trust to babysit my children outside of my family). I think I'll be back Tuesday (hopefully with lotsa fun pictures) :)




In other news....



Saturday night, Mr. X took me shopping...at my favorite store...TARGET. I rarely buy myself clothes, partially because it is difficult to shop and try things on with two boys, and partially because I don't like to spend money. Anyhow, I found a couple items (on the clearance rack OF COURSE :) ) one of which was a super adorable Isaac Mizrahi shirt dress. I bought (it was $17 dollars and totally cute, what else could I do!?), brought it home, tried it on, and fell in love with it...I couldn't wait to wear it out of the house...to my second favorite store...COSTCO :P





Remember this picture from our exclusive club brunch?

Take another look. Do you see these hands? These greasy, greasy hands?

Now...exactly where do you suspect my gorgeous three year old child decided to place his dirty little digits? On a napkin? On his shirt? His pants? In his pockets? No, no, no, and no. He placed them directly on MY ADORABLE NEW DRESS!

*SIGH* *DOUBLE SIGH*

If anyone one knows of a miracle grease stain removing remedy...NOW would be the time to share. PLEASE :)

As disappointed as I was, I could not bring myself to be even remotely upset with my darling child. After all, I was was the brilliant parent who decided to feed him shiny pizza. I also failed to ensure that his hands were properly cleaned afterward. *Note to self: bring wet wipes EVERYWHERE!

This, however, warrants a talking to! Every single time a plate of cookies is placed on the table, he finds it necessary to bite as many cookies as possible without ever finishing a single one. I have yet to figure out why.

Oh, my mischievous little one, how you test me so! One day...when you are a teenager, your ability to charm me with your incredibly innocent looking face will come to an end ( I hope).

Look at that face!

How do you like our cub scout craft?

Who knew procrastination could turn out so cute?!

Naturally, I waited until Sunday night to decide on a craft for B's den meeting. Luckily, Walmart had ONE box of mini pumpkins left and I was able to buy most of them before some other craft crazed mom could. Don't worry, I'm nice...I left a couple of the ugly ones behind.

I spent most of Monday morning cutting out little arms, legs, noses, and mouths. Then I realized I could not possibly go to the meeting.

The sore throat that had been bothering me since Friday had not gotten any better and I really didn't want to breathe my sickness all over everyone else's children.

Fortunately, Mr. X was available and graciously offered to lead the craft activity for the evening.

I think it would of been worth going, sick and all, just to get a couple pictures of him helping B make a pumpkin person. :)

If I was feeling better, I'd probably finish this post with a painful and/or embarassing story but I'm not...so I won't. :(

Just Have Fun

I saw it at a pizza buffet, a photograph of a baby sitting in an enormous pot of noodles. I knew, the instant it caught my eye that I just HAD to replicate it with my own adorable infant. At the time, J was small enough to fit perfectly into the largest pot from my Wolfgang collection. However, by the time I actually got around to buying a massive amount of spaghetti, boiling it, clearing a spot in the dining room, etc, etc, he no longer fit in ANY of my pots, not even my humongous canning one.

We had been snowed in for over a week and were all badly in need of entertainment.

We set out two pots full of noodles, and told him...

"Just have fun."

...I think he did. :)

Dreams Do Come True!

*(In my best Sophia, from The Golden Girls, impression)*
Picture this:

The year was 1980something, the place: somewhere in southern California

A little boy watches Star Wars for the first time, and wants nothing more than to have his very own lightsaber and fight the "Dark Side".

Years later, that same little boy is introduced to video games and wants nothing more than to be able to play them anytime he wants, for however long he wants.

The little boy grows up to be a very handsome man, gets married and has two little boys of his own.

He introduces his sons to Star Wars and video games and, inevitably, they come to have the same hopes and dreams as their father.

September 16th, 2008

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is released, making fighting the Dark Side with a lightsaber a virtual reality.

September 21st, 2008 the father uses his incredible people skills to get a MASSIVE discount on the Wii game, originally priced at around $50.

He brings the game home and prepares to surprise his son.

"B, let me ask you a question"

"OK, what is it?"

"What's the coolest thing your father has ever done for you?"

SILENCE

"What do you think, B?"

"I don't know, Dad. I'm trying to pick something, there are so many cool things you've done. Like feed me and take care of me, and play with me..."

At this point the father whips the game out from behind his back and presents it to his awe struck son.

"Dad, I can't believe it! It's the new Star Wars game!"

"Now tell me. What's the coolest thing your dad has ever done for you?"

"Dad, this IS cool, but it isn't the coolest thing you've done for me. The coolest thing you've ever done for me is love me."

I tried, DEARLY, not to ruin this magical, manly, video game moment by crying! So I waited until they ran off into the living room to play before I let my eyes fill with tears.

My little one, J, is still a bit too young to effectively play video games, so he was content just to watch Dad and big brother battle it out.

It is now Tuesday....and they are still at it! All I can say is, I will not go into the living room while they are in action, for fear I will be knocked unconscious by a Wii remote lightsaber THE FORCE.

Marshmallow Memories

B: MOM!! J has something in his pants!
Me: J, come here honey, let me see what's in your pants.


J comes running, leaving a trail of miniature marshmallows behind him. Hmmm...either A)he is trying to mark a path because otherwise he will forget where he came from OR B)he's trying to see how many miniature marshmallows he can shove down his pants before B tells on him.

My motherly instincts tell me it's most likely scenario B.


Me: J, marshmallows do not belong in your pants. Marshmallows are for eating.
J: Shawy (sorry) Mommy



I empty his pants of soft sugary white confections and send him on his way. Thankful that I did so BEFORE the marshmallows melted into a thick, sticky sugar glue that I would've had to scrub off with a brillo pad.



Not long after I find marshmallows...

-In my bed, UNDER my sheets. Yes, he put marshmallows on my bed, then covered them with my sheet AND comforter.
-On the bathroom floor (They probably fell out of his pants)
-Shoved into the cockpit of a toy plane
-In my closet
-Under my bed
-And in the boys' bedroom and playroom


I suppose it really is all my fault, I made the mistake of leaving an open bag of miniature delights on the dining room table!


Usually, while I'm helping B with his assignments J plays quietly in the playroom until we are finished or he until he decides he wants to do "pwee-shcool". I suppose today, I should of noticed he was playing a little TOO QUIETLY.



What "sweet" memories I will have of my boys when they are grown and gone. :)

Just for fun, since we ARE talking about marshmallows:

So Insulted!

I was in the kitchen baking chocolate chip cookies for my lovely children, when I overheard this exchange between B and J (who were in the living room):

J: Tranthformerth broke! Mom ficth it!

B: That's your problem, J! You think Mom can fix everything when she can't! You need to understand that there are some things Mom doesn't know. She can't fix a Transformer, she knows nothing about them! Here, give it to me."

J: Bubba ficth it? Mom don't know how?

B: Yes, I'll fix it.

This coming from a child who thinks I can make lasers!? I just couldn't believe it. I do so know about Transformers! Who does he think bought him Optimus Prime, Megatron, Star Scream, and Blackout? I did! Do you know how many different types of Transformer toys there are? I know the difference between Beast Wars Series, Star Wars Series, Animated Series, New Movie Series, and Cybertron Series! I know about the Allspark cube, I know what Cyberkey power is! I dislike Decepticons as much as he does! Now, do I know how to fix them? No I don't, he's right in that respect. But do I know NOTHING about them? I think not!

Where's the Tongue?

Despite the fact I vowed not to buy anymore pop-up books until J reached the age of 5, I could not resist buying this book, when I saw it at Costco:

Normally, I try not venture into the center aisles of Costco, since they rarely contain items of necessity. But this particular day, there was a crowd of children and adult males around the book display. There was giggling and snickering, but what really caught my attention were the kids' reactions. What kind of book could be causing such a commotion? I ventured over to see for myself. The first thing that I noticed were the pink tongues hanging out of the covers. Apparently the boys noticed them too. "Mom, can we buy one please? C'mon they have a TONGUE!" "Stop that! Stop touching those tongues! Other people have been touching them, look they are already turning gray!" The tongues were very interesting, they were rubbery and gummy, much like a sticky hand and the texture was strikingly similar to a real tongue. I dug through the pile and, just as I suspected, there at the bottom were a few books with CLEAN pink tongues, still covered in protective plastic. As I opened the book, I came to a realization...this book was AMAZING!! Every single page had a pop-up, fold out, pull tab, or flap. Oh, and did I mention it had a tongue? It covered the ENTIRE process of digestion, and even had digestive mishaps (vomiting) included. "All right, we can get one, but only if you promise to take good care of it."

J's record with pop-up books is less than stellar. Poor Thomas was ripped from underneath his cardboard bridge the day we brought him home, and all of the animals in Noah's pop-up ark have been decapitated. B knew, as well as I did, that if he did not keep this book out of J's hands it would not survive the week. We designated a special place, atop the supply cabinet, to keep the book safe. For several weeks B was very diligent about putting the book away after each reading. J was allowed to LOOK at the book while B read, and occasionally permitted to squish the tongue. Then, one day B did not put the book back. This was the result:

Wait, where's the tongue???

Oh, here it is!

Can you imagine finding this anywhere in your house and not being horrified? (Didn't think so.)

I'm sorry Digesto Boy, I really am. At the time I brought you home, I was not aware things would end like this. Your tongue has been savagely ripped from your mouth, and your intestines are nowhere to be found. Despite these atrocities, I hope you can find forgiveness in your tiny little paper heart. I promise I will locate all your missing organs and tape them back to you with all the care your own mother publisher would. Until then I lay you down to rest, far from reaching distance of the child responsible for this mess... Oh, by the way, here's your tongue back.

Did You Know..........

...that small children are attracted to the sound of a bathroom door shutting? It's true, but only if it is their mother that is shutting the door. Santa Claus could be in the next room handing out bags of candy and flying ponies, and still, for reasons unknown to any mother that has ever lived, children will be more interested in what mom is doing in the bathroom. As soon as they hear that door close they, literally, come running and proceed to POUND on the door. The pounding coincides with yelling "Mom, mom, MOM, MOM, mom,...MoM, WhAt aRe YoU doing?!!! Are YOU going PEE? MOM,mom, MOM!!! I'm HunGRY! Mom, can I have some COOOOKIES?! MOM, can YOU hear ME?"

Why does this happen? Why weren't they hungry two minutes ago? Nobody knows! Nobody knows why children enjoy pounding on the bathroom door while their mother is inside. All we know is that it happens.
I KNOW it happens to me EVERYDAY. And everyday I remind myself that someday they won't be pounding, someday they won't care if I'm going pee or not, someday they won't ask me for cookies, someday they'll move away. Then I become very sad, and appreciative at the same time. I emerge from the bathroom, so happy that they are here right now, ready to scoop them up into my arms. But, for some other unknown reason, the second I open the door THEY RUN AWAY. I guess I'm only interesting if I'm behind a closed door.

I Can Make Lasers

Halloween is not as far away as you may think!

My sweet, adorable child has decided that he would like to be Boba Fett (he's an intergalactic bounty hunter, for those of you unfamiliar with all things Star Wars) and his little brother would like to be R2D2. The thing is, the costumes available for purchase are not only VERY expensive, they are also not up to B's standards. B has decided he needs to have a jet pack, lasers that shoot from his wrists, and a helmet that "goes all the way around" his head. Before I can even begin to explain why some of this is not possible, he says "Mom, come on! I know you can do this. You can use empty toilet paper rolls to make the lasers, and I know you can figure out how to make a jet pack" I have never been more flattered in my life. Here is a child who honestly believes that I can make laser shooters from toilet paper rolls and engineer a jet pack. I know what you're thinking 'Oh, he just means PRETEND lasers and a PRETEND jet pack'. No, you are very, very wrong. He wants real lasers to fire from his wrists and a real jet pack, that will lift him from the ground, but not too high because he doesn't want to fly into space.

"Here mom! I want it to look like this"




So again I say, Halloween is not so far away! I have approximately 2 months to construct a miniature robot that bleeps and bloops, and transform a 7 year old into a fierce bounty hunter, complete with space age weaponry.

Patrick Sandwiches and Star Eggs

*Grocery Cart Challenge Friday Recipe Swap*

Before we started home school this was B's favorite sack lunch item:

Patrick Sandwiches

Who doesn't love Spongebob's BFF, Patrick? Now he's available in sandwich form!

Cut star shape into chopped ham (baked ham will not cut as clean) with medium sized star cookie cutter.

To save time push the cutter through the entire package of ham. Cutting out ham stars everyday is a bit of a hassle! =)

Spread whipped cream cheese on both sides of a snack sized bagel insert star and you're done! *To save money I buy the regular cream cheese and whip it at home.*

Once I went a little overboard and carved a mini Patrick face into the star. That day B came home and hadn't eaten his lunch. When I asked him why, he said he felt like Patrick was really alive because he had a face and he felt weird about eating him.

Now, what to do about the excess ham?

*Breakfast Stars*

Take star silhouette and place in/on pre-greased, preheated pan or griddle.

After sides begin to curl in crack egg directly over the center of star.

Flip, cook until preferred yolk consistency is achieved.....

and serve on toast or bun!

You have now used one piece of lunch meat for breakfast AND lunch, and at the same time, made your little one feel like a STAR!

Breakdown: All cents rounded up

Patrick Sandwich:

1. Ham star- $3.44 for pkg of 16 ham slices= 22 cents per slice, divided by two (ham star is approxiamately 1/2 slice)= 11 cents per star

2. Mini bagel- $2.46 for bag of 12 minis= 21 cents per bagel

3. Cream cheese- $1.27 for 8 ounces= 16 cents per ounce- After whipping, we use approx. 1/8 = 2 cents per serving

.11+.21+.02= $0.34 per sandwich

Breakfast Star Sandwich:

Star sillouhette-11 cents

Egg- $3.28 for 24 large eggs= 14 cents per egg

Bun- $1.14 for pkg of 8 buns= 15 cents per bun

.11+.14+.15= $0.40 per sandwich

Don't Judge Me!

B used to get terrible ear infections as an infant, which meant I had to administer terrible ear infection medication. I don't remember what kind of medication I was giving B this particular day, but I do remember it was clear. Anyhow, about 2 minutes after I had given it to him he spit up a bit. Now the bottle clearly stated to "FINISH THE ENTIRE BOTTLE". I couldn't tell whether or not he had spit up any of the medicine since it was clear and so was his spit up. (In retrospect he probably just spit out drool) I was a new young mother and wanted my baby to get what he needed. So without thinking twice I STUCK MY FINGER IN HIS SPIT UP AND TASTED IT TO MAKE SURE IT DIDN'T TASTE LIKE MEDICINE. Of course, as it turns out, it did not taste like medicine.

The Whisk

Not to long ago I decided to buy myself a whisk. My last whisk had been plucked apart by my children, and since then I had been doing all my "whisking" with a fork. Anyhow, one night as I was "forking" away in the kitchen I thought to myself, "this is ridiculous, just buy a new whisk already!". So the next day during my weekly Walmart trip (see previous post) I picked one up, I could of bought the one for $1.97 but decided the one for $2.97 might last me a little longer. I spent the next week or so happily whisking away eggs, puddings, sauces, etc. Then one morning I opened my utensil drawer and it wasn't there......

"B, have you seen my whisk??"

"I haven't even touched it! Why would I know where it is?"

"Can you please go check in the playroom?"

"Okay"

" J, do you know where mommy's whisk is?"

" Noooooo"

" B, did you find it??"

"No"

Guess I'm back to forking my eggs. Wait! It looks like B's found something!

"Look Mom! Look! J made you a beautiful metal flower!"

"Oh no!MY WHISK!"

At this point, J comes running up behind B with a big smile on his face.

"J did you do this to mommy's whisk?"

"Pretty flower for you mommy!"

He was so happy, so proud of what he'd made. What kind of monster would I have to be to get upset?

"Thank you, it's the most beautiful flower I have ever seen."

Gravity and Molecules

My new best friend is Google. B's, once innocent, questions have evolved into complex inquiries that stump me on a consistent basis. Questions about wars, Presidents, politics, NASA, single celled organisms. etc. My reply to 80% of his questions is "we'll look it up on Google when we get home."

After one Google session, he turned to me and said, "I think that bodies of water, like the ocean, are similar to space. There is no gravity in space which is why astronauts can float, and in water things float because of the way water molecules are. It's almost like a space atmosphere on earth. What do you think Mom?"

Uhhhh....I think you should go play Wii while Mommy tries to figure out what you just said.

Who is going to clean your house?

Setting: The kitchen, I am scrubbing grease from the stove, while B sits at the table enjoying a glass of juice.

B: How do you know if a person is going to like to clean?
Me: I guess you would just ask them
B: Well, I sure hope my wife likes to clean.
Me: Why?
B: Because she will need to clean the house when we get married.
Me: Well what about you? What will you be doing while she's cleaning?
B: I'll be at work
Me: Well what about when you're home from work? Are you just going to sit there and watch her clean?
B: No. I'll probably just go and play with the kids.
Me: Do you think it's fair to let your wife clean everything, even when you've made some of the mess?
B: Ummmm.....No, that doesn't sound fair. I guess my wife won't have to clean if she doesn't want to.
Me: Then who's going to clean your house?
B: You will, Mom. I'll let you live with me and you can clean my house.

Not exactly what I was expecting to hear.
Note to self: Have a talk with Mr. X about chore distribution!

How do you want your eggs?

Me: How would you like your eggs?
B: Over medium
Me: Over medium? Are you sure?
B: Yes, you know, "yolky" eggs. They are called over medium.
Me: I didn't know you liked "yolky" eggs.
B: Yes, I really enjoy the yolk's rich flavor

Hmmmm...... too much Food Network maybe?

Craigslist

B: Can I have some ice cream?
Me: No, you haven't had lunch yet.
B: Why are you being like this? Why are you being the meanest mother on the planet?
Me: I said no because I care about you and I want you to eat. And I don't think I'm "the meanest mother on the planet"
B: You know what I think? I think you want to sell me and buy a new son on Craigslist. Is that what you want?
Me: That's not true, I love you and I'm keeping you forever.
B: Can I have some ice cream then?
Me: No

Hmmmm, maybe I shouldn't of told him how you can buy just about anything on Craigslist.

That Large Woman

Have you ever wished you had the ability to make yourself invisible?

Place: Checkout line at a very crowded grocery store.

B: Mom, can I have that candy?
Me: What candy?
B: The one right there on the shelf
Me: No response since I'm distracted trying to remember if I've forgotten anything
B: Mom, mom, mom, mom
Me: Yes, what is it?!
B: Mom! Can I have that candy?
Me:What candy?
B: The one right there! Can't you see it? It's right there! Right next to that LARGE WOMAN!

Are you skinny too?

I was stretched out comfortably on the couch one afternoon when B approached me.

B: I can see your stomach mom.
Me: Sorry about that.
B: Wow mom, you're really skinny!
Me: Why do you say that B?
B: Because mom, you just have so much skin.

I never thought I would be so depressed after being told I was "skinny".