Bubble Burster

Monday 3:30pm:

Me: Hi babe, I was just calling to see if you have time to stop by for lunch.

Mr. X: Well actually... I was thinking I would skip lunch and get home around 7.
(as opposed to 9,10, or 11pm!)

WOO HOO! My husband is coming home while the sun is still out!
*I am so excited that I surround myself in a huge bubble of happiness and anticipate his EARLY return.*

Monday 7:10pm:

My bubble is about to burst.

Me: Hi, just calling to see where you are.

Mr. X: Oh, I have some important NEWS to tell you.

Me: What news?

Mr. X: Well...paperwork...blah,blah,blah...some guy...MEPS...appointments...blah, blah...I'M COMING HOME TO PICK UP SOME CLOTHES BECAUSE I HAVE TO SPEND THE NIGHT 3 HOURS AWAY AT A HOTEL.

*POP* So much for my bubble o'happiness!

Me: ..........

Mr. X: Hello? You still there?

Oh well, perhaps it is in everyone's best interest that Mr. X is 3 hours away in a hotel. After all, he is in the last week of "the month" (IF ya knowhaddumean).

Okay, the glass if half full. This is great opportunity that has been afforded to me. I have a whole sleepless night to accomplish something productive. What to do, what to do? Hmmm...I'll have to think about this for awhile, in the meantime I think I'll just watch every single sappy, romantic, non-action movie we own. Bridget, let's see that diary!

Decision 2008

It's voting time! Before any decisions are made, let's take a look at the candidates one more time:

Candidate Keebler is making some pretty bold statements! Claiming his cookies are "Uncommonly made" and have "Uncommonly good taste". But what does that mean? Is the Keebler camp insinuating that all other cookies are commonly made and have commonly good taste? Keebler needs to keep in mind that statements like these can easily be misconstrued by already confused voters, possibly leaving them with an uncommonly bitter taste in their mouths. Keebler has also not been shy about heading to the airwaves! Keebler's ads lead voter's on a magical journey into the heart of a magical tree, where his cookies are produced by magical elves. With all this magic, one begins to wonder what Keebler may be compensating for. Why has Keebler made it a point to package all his "magical" cookie creations in non-transparent packaging? Sure the packaging is pretty, shiny, and full of promises: "Chocolate in every bite" just for "Chocolate Lovers", there are even bags of chocolate spilling over onto the ground! Voters want to know what's in store for them, they don't want surprises. The fact that Candidate Keebler refuses to let voters even see what his cookies look like raises some serious questions. Voters shouldn't just trust that the pictures printed on the package accurately represent the cookies on the inside.

However, Keebler has done a phenomenal job of marketing his cookies. There are some voters ready to select Keebler cookies, sight unseen, solely on the basis of the eye catching packaging and promises of deliciousness from Keebler himself.

Then there is the Keebler's opponent, simply known as "Mom". Mom has made no secret of her dislike for Keebler and his cookies. She claims that Keebler is bad for the budget, and that his cookies are dry, tasteless, and full of artificiality. Mom is a traditionalist, she uses tried and true recipes and always runs an open and honest kitchen. Voters are encouraged to watch the cookie making process and, if they are particularly well behaved, can even participate. Mom refuses to package her cookies in anything but clear Ziploc bags. Mom claims Ziploc bags seal in the flavor but still allow the cookies inside to be fully visible at ALL times. (No surprises here!) Mom says she does not need fancy packaging, magic elves or promises to push her cookies on voters. She says she'll let the aroma and taste of her cookies speak for itself.

Mom's definitely not as experienced as Keebler when it comes to the cookie business. After all, Keebler has produced billions of cookies, and has been around since well before Mom was even born! Some view Mom's refusal to actively engage in campaigning as "arrogant" and "cocky". Others say it just goes to show that she is confident in her cookies, and trusts voters will make their selection based on how a cookie tastes, not how magical it is purported to be.

So which cookie confectioner will reign supreme in 2008? Will it be Keebler? He's more experienced and can offer "magically" made cookies in bulk! Or will it be Mom? She believes the most important ingredient in cookies is not magic, but love!

Let's go to the polls!!

Is everyone seeing this?! Is everyone seeing the sheer emotion that has been expressed on these ballot slips? One voter was so moved, he seems to of added an illustration of Mom clearly carrying a tray of cookies. The result is clear as day, Mom has won by a landslide! Let's hear what the voters have to say about their decision here today:

B says "I voted for Mom's cookies because they taste better than Keebler. And I like them because they don't have a price and we don't have to buy them and Keebler cookies cost money."

J says "I like big ones! I like big ones!"

There you have it folks, the people have spoken! Mom's cookies are here to stay!

*Disclaimer*: "Mom" was responsible for writing this article, conducting interviews, and gave birth to the voters.

Walmart

I do most, if not all, of my shopping in two places, Walmart and Costco. Costco is amazing, it's always clean, the aisles are wide, and my fellow Costco shoppers are usually polite. Going to Walmart, however, is an entirely different experience. I always plan on going around 6am to beat the crowds, but then real life kicks me in the face and I wind up going at exactly the same time everyone else in town decides to go. I have this theory that there are people out there who wait for an exceptionally hot day, put on a tank top, go for a jog, do not take a shower or apply deodorant, then head directly to Walmart. These people then proceed to wait in the canned goods aisle for an unsuspecting shopper to lean in close to a shelf to examine a product. (This is where the fun begins! ) These perspiring, odorous people, then rush up beside the innocent shopper and reach for a can on the top of the shelf, making sure to place their steamy, sans deodorant underarm within 6-12 inches of the innocent shopper's face. For extra fun, they will wait until the rest of the aisle is jam packed, leaving no escape for their target. The worst thing about these malodorous thrill seekers, is that they never say "excuse me" before reaching in front of someone's face. I know these people exist, I've seen them, smelled them, fallen victim to their twisted game. But it's not these olfactory offenders that really bug me. The people that really make me think twice about going to Walmart are a far more dangerous group, they are known as the Cutters. Cutters are dangerous because they can strike at any moment. They are very careful to choose the quietest of carts. They need quiet carts so they do not, at anytime, reveal their position to the enemy (fellow unsuspecting shoppers). When it is time to check out Cutters will not waste their time looking for the shortest checkout line. Instead, they wait for another shopper to locate the best line. When they see this shopper begin to push their cart towards the optimal checkout stand the Cutter jumps into action. Pushing, with almost inhuman speed, they race to position their cart directly in front of the enemy's (innocent shopper's) cart. Cutters have been known to clip carts, block aisles, run over toes, and push small children.

I think I either need to start planning better, or start wearing steel toed boots and a mask when shopping. Knowing me, I'll be picking up a pair of boots......next time I go to Walmart. =)

Machete Man!

About a month or so ago our weedeater died. We took it in for repairs and were supposed to get it back weeks ago, but apparently it's problems were worse than we thought. Meanwhile back at the homestead........Parts of our backyard had weeds at least 6ft tall, I kid you not!

Since we started recruiting duty, I've taken over just about all the household duties, including yard work. Mr. X's schedule only allows for Sunday's off, and I'll be darned if he's going to spend the day doing yard work! But, even I, an experienced wacker of weeds, could not tame our backyard without the help of a machine. Fortunately, Mr.X was able to get yesterday off and decided to tackle the weed problem. I really thought he was just going to spray them, then pull them up manually when they died. But I was wrong, I knew that when he called me from Home Depot and said he was picking up a machete. Being a normal person, I asked him what the flip he was going to need a machete for! What I failed to realize was that I was not dealing with a normal person, I was dealing with a Marine.

What went on in Mr. X (The Marine's) mind:
Situation:
Invasive vegetation surrounding residence
Evaluation:
Chemicals: No go, no time, besides chemical are for p^$$!#s
Manual pulling: No go, no time
Solution:
Hack all non-grass vegetation with machete

Of course, as any logical person can see, hacking things with a machete is the only obvious solution.

I can't say I wasn't impressed with the results. After about two hours, the weeds were gone, hacked to death by a machete wielding Marine.