Decision 2008

It's voting time! Before any decisions are made, let's take a look at the candidates one more time:

Candidate Keebler is making some pretty bold statements! Claiming his cookies are "Uncommonly made" and have "Uncommonly good taste". But what does that mean? Is the Keebler camp insinuating that all other cookies are commonly made and have commonly good taste? Keebler needs to keep in mind that statements like these can easily be misconstrued by already confused voters, possibly leaving them with an uncommonly bitter taste in their mouths. Keebler has also not been shy about heading to the airwaves! Keebler's ads lead voter's on a magical journey into the heart of a magical tree, where his cookies are produced by magical elves. With all this magic, one begins to wonder what Keebler may be compensating for. Why has Keebler made it a point to package all his "magical" cookie creations in non-transparent packaging? Sure the packaging is pretty, shiny, and full of promises: "Chocolate in every bite" just for "Chocolate Lovers", there are even bags of chocolate spilling over onto the ground! Voters want to know what's in store for them, they don't want surprises. The fact that Candidate Keebler refuses to let voters even see what his cookies look like raises some serious questions. Voters shouldn't just trust that the pictures printed on the package accurately represent the cookies on the inside.

However, Keebler has done a phenomenal job of marketing his cookies. There are some voters ready to select Keebler cookies, sight unseen, solely on the basis of the eye catching packaging and promises of deliciousness from Keebler himself.

Then there is the Keebler's opponent, simply known as "Mom". Mom has made no secret of her dislike for Keebler and his cookies. She claims that Keebler is bad for the budget, and that his cookies are dry, tasteless, and full of artificiality. Mom is a traditionalist, she uses tried and true recipes and always runs an open and honest kitchen. Voters are encouraged to watch the cookie making process and, if they are particularly well behaved, can even participate. Mom refuses to package her cookies in anything but clear Ziploc bags. Mom claims Ziploc bags seal in the flavor but still allow the cookies inside to be fully visible at ALL times. (No surprises here!) Mom says she does not need fancy packaging, magic elves or promises to push her cookies on voters. She says she'll let the aroma and taste of her cookies speak for itself.

Mom's definitely not as experienced as Keebler when it comes to the cookie business. After all, Keebler has produced billions of cookies, and has been around since well before Mom was even born! Some view Mom's refusal to actively engage in campaigning as "arrogant" and "cocky". Others say it just goes to show that she is confident in her cookies, and trusts voters will make their selection based on how a cookie tastes, not how magical it is purported to be.

So which cookie confectioner will reign supreme in 2008? Will it be Keebler? He's more experienced and can offer "magically" made cookies in bulk! Or will it be Mom? She believes the most important ingredient in cookies is not magic, but love!

Let's go to the polls!!

Is everyone seeing this?! Is everyone seeing the sheer emotion that has been expressed on these ballot slips? One voter was so moved, he seems to of added an illustration of Mom clearly carrying a tray of cookies. The result is clear as day, Mom has won by a landslide! Let's hear what the voters have to say about their decision here today:

B says "I voted for Mom's cookies because they taste better than Keebler. And I like them because they don't have a price and we don't have to buy them and Keebler cookies cost money."

J says "I like big ones! I like big ones!"

There you have it folks, the people have spoken! Mom's cookies are here to stay!

*Disclaimer*: "Mom" was responsible for writing this article, conducting interviews, and gave birth to the voters.