Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Sleepless Spouse

Monday: badnews o'clock

Me: I love you, I can't wait until you get home so I can serve you a lovingly prepared meal and stare adoringly at you while you consume it.

Mr. X: I love you too, blah...blah...applicant...MEPS...hotel...dinner to go please.

What?! I slaved over a mildly warm crockpot all day, for this? WELL, I never!

Anyhow, Mr. X comes home, picks up his overnight necessities AND to-go dinner, then leaves; dooming me to a night of paranoia induced sleeplessness.

The first part of the evening goes by quickly:

-The kids refuse to eat my crockpot creation because it has "chickenth" and onions in it.
-The kids demand ask for a pizza.
-I make them a pizza because I feel badly that their father works unpredictable hours and feel that somehow making them special dinners will help them to not miss him so much. Then I feel ridiculous and guilty because nothing can replace their father, especially not a pizza, and I should know better. What kind of mother AM I?!
-B asks me why I have not yet made the granola bars that I PROMISED to make.
-I send the kids to bed and tell B that I will make granola bars while he sleeps.
-B asks me not to make granola bars without him since I will "probably forget to put in the peanut butter chips".

The latter half of the evening DID NOT go by quickly:

-I play Dynomite on Yahoo games get some housework done.
-I check on the boys.
-I turn OFF all the lights in the house.
-I turn ON all the lights in the house because, in the event of a break in, I will need to be able to see what I'm shooting at.
-I check on the boys.
-I turn OFF all the lights in the house because, in the event of a break in, my eyes will need to be adjusted to the dark in case I catch them while they are still breaking in, in which case they would be still outside, which is dark.
-I turn ON half of the lights in the house because I just feel better with SOME lights on, and the possibility of someone actually breaking into the house is VERY LOW. Besides, I can always use my shotgun, which only needs to be pointed in the vicinity of my target in order to do major damage.
-I check on the boys.
-At 2:45am I pop in Steel Magnolias and lay down.
-Mr. X calls and tells me HE can't sleep either. For some reason, this makes me feel better.
-I pass out right after Shelby gets her kidney transplant.
-I wake up to the DVD menu. This simply won't do, I need some NOISE.
-I put in Bridget Jones. I have no idea what time it was, I was afraid to look!
-I fall asleep right after Mark "is unforgivably rude" to Bridget at her mother's turkey curry buffet.
-I wake up to the sound of children jumping on their beds.

Despite my very busy night, I was still able to function efficiently the next day.(THANK YOU ZIP FIZZ!!!)

The boys and I made the granola bars WITH peanut butter chips in them. We finished our lessons, AND I prepared a delicious dinner that Mr. X was able to enjoy at HOME.

Don't you just love it when everything falls perfectly into place? :)

5 Helpful Hints:

Terie said...

I was laughing..not at you...the entire post. You are so funny and if it makes you feel any better, you're not alone in the sleepless department. I'm a chicken at night too--all windows, drapes and blinds must be closed because I just know there's someone out there watching my every move.

Ronnica said...

It's amazing how your mind can play tricks on you when you are alone after dark!

Britt said...

I hate sleeping alone .. I have to work myself into exhaustion before I can nod off. I'm glad you were able to function the next day! :o)

Michelle said...

I can't sleep alone without my husband either. And yes, I do the lights on-lights off thing, too. I eventually leave a few on.

Oh, and in response to your comment about the man with the clipboard - AIN'T THAT THE EFFING TRUTH! I'm working on a Vent Session post regarding the exact same thing as we speak!

Elena said...

Thank you for visiting Idaho today. Your wax story made me laugh out loud. I once tried to wax my bikini line with that stuff and ended up with wax in the hair on my head and on the shower head and no hair off my bikini line. It was a disaster.

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