Hairy Situation

After I had children, taking care of my hair fell to the bottom of my priority list, right along with sleeping and going to the gym. Aside from the occasional curl job, reserved for extra special days, I was content to just throw it into an enormous bun. Some days I didn't even brush it. Then, I decided to chop it all off...well maybe not all of it, just enough to donate to Locks of Love. It was chopping my hair off that inspired me to take better care of it. I was sure that the recipients would be grateful for any hair, but they would probably also appreciate shiny, healthy hair that had been properly cared for.

I had made the decision to become a hair farm.

It's not like growing hair takes any time or effort, so why not grow it for good?
The first time I donated, the salon was kind enough to send it in for me. The second time, the salon was not. If you knew me personally you would know that I find it nearly impossible to make a trip to the post office. Why? I am not sure. All I know is that I am still in possession of a bag of hair that I have been storing in the glove compartment of my van. If you think that sounds creepy, just try and imagine my mechanic's dismay and horror when he found more than what he was looking for in my glove compartment which, incidentally, is also where I store my lug nut key.

Ok, back to my hair care. Saturday, I stumbled upon a couple online articles recommending using a vinegar rinse to achieve shiny hair, and a healthy scalp. "I want shiny hair! I want a healthy scalp!" I grabbed an empty dish soap bottle, filled it with a vinegar solution and headed to the shower, Walmart bag in hand. My plan was to lean over the shower, squirt solution on my hair until it was soaked, then neatly tie a plastic bag around it and let it set for a while. This is what happened:

Within .5 seconds of squirting the solution in my hair, I realized I had made it WAY too strong.

Not wanting to waste any more time, I continued to soak my hair, despite the fact that my nasal passages were being chemically burned by the smell.

After thoroughly soaking my hair, I realize I did not bring a towel with me.

I reach back to grab the Walmart bag, and ATTEMPT to tie it neatly around my head.

I finally manage to cram all my hair in the bag, only to realize I have tied it too tight and think maybe losing circulation to my scalp is not a good thing.

While readjusting the bag, some of the vinegar solution escapes and proceeds to drip in LARGE drops, directly into my eyeballs.

While attempting to extinguish the fire in my eyes, I lose grip of the bag, leaving my vinegar soaked hair free to drip solution down my back and onto the floor.

I manage to collect my hair in the bag, once more, and secure it with a LOOSE knot, leaving enough slack to allow blood flow to my brain.

After about half an hour, I take a shower and think I have washed away the vinegar smell.

A couple hours later, Mr. X arrives home and gives me my "I'm home, I missed you" hug.

"You used vinegar in your hair, didn't you?" -A clear look of disgust on his face.

"I thought I washed it all out! I'm sorry I smell" :(

Once again, an attempted beauty routine has caught my poor husband by surprise, not in a good way.

My hair did come out looking extra shiny, but due to the fact that I am prone to clumsiness, I don't think I will try a vinegar solution again, at least not for my hair.

Some good did come of all this mess. Before I took my shower, I grabbed a brand new conditioner out of the supply closet. It was Pantene Pro-V Beautiful Lengths conditioner, something I normally don't buy, but had because I had a coupon. While in the shower, I just happened to read the label. I thought it was called Beautiful Lengths because it was for long hair. Upon further examination, I realized Beautiful Lengths is also a program sponsored by Pantene Pro-V. A program that collects donated hair and makes wigs for women who have lost their hair to cancer. I am a person who does not believe in coincidence. There was a reason I was standing in a shower, smelling of vinegar, reading a conditioner bottle. Clearly my hair is meant to go to Beautiful Lengths, I'm not sure why, I just know it's what I must do.

Now, if I could just get to the post office my hair's destiny will be fulfilled. Until then I will keep my donation in the house in order to spare anyone else the horror of finding a bag of human hair in my glove box.