Monday, August 25, 2008


I do most, if not all, of my shopping in two places, Walmart and Costco. Costco is amazing, it's always clean, the aisles are wide, and my fellow Costco shoppers are usually polite. Going to Walmart, however, is an entirely different experience. I always plan on going around 6am to beat the crowds, but then real life kicks me in the face and I wind up going at exactly the same time everyone else in town decides to go. I have this theory that there are people out there who wait for an exceptionally hot day, put on a tank top, go for a jog, do not take a shower or apply deodorant, then head directly to Walmart. These people then proceed to wait in the canned goods aisle for an unsuspecting shopper to lean in close to a shelf to examine a product. (This is where the fun begins! ) These perspiring, odorous people, then rush up beside the innocent shopper and reach for a can on the top of the shelf, making sure to place their steamy, sans deodorant underarm within 6-12 inches of the innocent shopper's face. For extra fun, they will wait until the rest of the aisle is jam packed, leaving no escape for their target. The worst thing about these malodorous thrill seekers, is that they never say "excuse me" before reaching in front of someone's face. I know these people exist, I've seen them, smelled them, fallen victim to their twisted game. But it's not these olfactory offenders that really bug me. The people that really make me think twice about going to Walmart are a far more dangerous group, they are known as the Cutters. Cutters are dangerous because they can strike at any moment. They are very careful to choose the quietest of carts. They need quiet carts so they do not, at anytime, reveal their position to the enemy (fellow unsuspecting shoppers). When it is time to check out Cutters will not waste their time looking for the shortest checkout line. Instead, they wait for another shopper to locate the best line. When they see this shopper begin to push their cart towards the optimal checkout stand the Cutter jumps into action. Pushing, with almost inhuman speed, they race to position their cart directly in front of the enemy's (innocent shopper's) cart. Cutters have been known to clip carts, block aisles, run over toes, and push small children.

I think I either need to start planning better, or start wearing steel toed boots and a mask when shopping. Knowing me, I'll be picking up a pair of time I go to Walmart. =)

4 Helpful Hints:

The Broken Man said...

Oh, now I know why I don't do the grocery shopping!

The Broken man

Kimberly Arthur Lindner said...

I'm a big fan of Costco but Walmart always grossed me out... I miss Target now that I live in Sweden!

Veggie Mom said...

Gotta love that Wally World! We do Target, too, when we're feeling a little "Uptown"! BTW, thanks for coming by and visiting The Great State of Wisconsin today!

lynn said...

I luckily have not had that experience yet! lol Our Walmart is pretty decent.
Thanks for stopping by today on the BATW tour!

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